had a night mare... not the scary type... no.. not from watching the unborn.. that's such a unscary horror movie.. yar.. the horrible heart breaking type of nightmare..

so woke up.. felt really really in the pits of hell.. it was 6 am in the morning.. dark... and extremely quiet.. even snowie wasnt moving.. i thought she was dead for a moment and had to feel for her warm body.. which luckily was still warm..

i was really scared.. i never felt so alone in my entire life..oh well.. maybe once.. in australia.. when i was sick and tired and cold and homesick.. i felt horrendous then too.. the only other time i stared at the darkness and started crying...

so i turned on the darn radio.. at least there's some noise..and took out my bible...

maybe it was god's way of waking me up to read the bible.. coz i had absolutely no one to talk to at this unearthly hour..so i started with first john..dunnoe why... maybe its closest to the heart.. its about god is light and living in the light and confessing our sins and all.. felt instantaneously better.. after confession.. haa..

maybe there's just this huge empty space with my heart/soul/supernatural that none can fill except for Him.. but honestly.. it really really doesnt feel good. you try filling up yourself with tons of things.. getting occupied and all.. or simply keeping your mind blank.. stone.. or seomthing..but honestly it doesnt work.. or worse.. expecting others to satisfy your emotional needs and hence screwing everything up.. this doesnt work either..

if i have a choice i'd rather overwork myself till i konk out rather than be woken up by nightmares again.. maybe a bit of vodka a day gives you better sleep.. but then again i had vodka with peel fresh orange last night.. but apparently that doesnt work either.. but then again.. a little bit of alcohol a day is good for you..

in an hour, the sun will come up again.. and the place will be bustling with noise and ppl again..then i'd be off to sch... darn.. but then again.. why am i complaining.. coz its a cheerier place.

maybe seasonal depression (ie depression linked to the presence of light..) does have some truth.. could be due to the release of neurotransmitters .. is it endorphine?? in the brain,, same chemicals chocolates give you rite??! anybody has any idea? hm..

oh.. learnt from sociology class yesterday that women have 4 times more this-particular-hormone that is found in tears, as compared to men, which probably explains why women cry more .. gosh.. can someone help me with the names of chemicals and hormones? i suck. i have bad memory. yar.. and below the age of 12, boys and girls have the same amt of that hormone, so they cry approximately the same no. of times..

tip for my dearest guy friends : dont get too affected when a lady cries.. unless shes' really the un-crying sort.. and no.. dont give in just because she cries then complain of emotional blackmail k?? just comfort her, wipe of the darn tears and talk sense..

maybe women are just too fucking emotional. ok in general. just in case i'm making a sweeping statement. with insufficient substantiation.